Bite Me

I can see Monday's great gaping razor-tooth jaws wide open and ready to eat me alive. The day has just begun, already the anxiety attack is on the rise. I'm not ready for this week to start. I feel like I've lost my footing on top of a slick mountain slope and now I am powerless to stop the fall. I don't want to hear "I told you so," if there were grounds for you to.

Surrender to the Night

And so I walked outside and opened my arms to the sky.
The mist on my face, raindrops on my chest.
And I danced a dance never for human eyes.
A dance devote, ethereal the night possess.

Where Do I Go From Here?

Or, "My Life Needs a Reboot!"

As I got up from my chair to finally give in to my amazing craving to bake and eat brownies, a strange sadness came over me. A strange feeling of "stuck". Then thoughts of all the things I would rather be doing with my life flood my head, pouring out of my ears, onto my bare feet and tile floor. I stared at the puddle gathered around my green nail-polished toes and flashes of once vivid dreams swirled. A tie-dye effect of dying hopes and fading futures that are slipping into the nothingness of never realizing them.

I then got hit in the back of my head. A painful reminder of what is actually happening now; part time college, a minimum wage food service job, living with my parents, no significant other to cry to, terrified of driving, social anxiety, self-esteem issues, all my friends who are way ahead in their life plan than I could ever dream of. And there's that word again, dream.

My head throbbed.

What's my reason? Where do I go from here?

I am ready to scream.

There are so many opportunities out there for me and window shopping isn't a crime. Unfortunately, these opportunities are kept behind glass, bullet-proof glass. I can look but not touch. And the bigger the passion for one of my life aspirations, the sillier the aspiration really is to an outsider. I must shop at the Specialty Aspiration Shoppe. It's located at the end of a dead-end alleyway and you have to maneuver through a circus to get to it. It's owned by a man with a white and purple striped hat and dusty green suit. Yeah, that's my store.

But when I got there there was a sign in the window that read "Shop closed due to low interest."

I can't find what I am looking for in the Name Brand Aspiration Super-Center. When I last asked I got laughed out of the store. So I bought an occupation from the You Really Don't Want These Aspirations Thrift Store. And the store was right, this downright sucks.

So now what?

That puddle that I stand in, the puddle of what I want out of life, grows cold. The swirling has stopped. All of my futures look dead. Its eyes are open, glazed over and lifeless. Its empty unblinking gaze returning my horrified stare.

With all of the things I wished to do with my life laying at my feet lifeless, where am I to turn?
I turn to the only person that has the power to do something about it: myself.

I take a deep breath.
I step out of the puddle.
I move forward.
And I bake those brownies.

Marine Biologist
Marine Mammal Veterinarian
Nutritionist
Dancer
Contortionist
Photographer
Roach Coach Queen
Jewelry Artist
Musician
Novelist
... Me.